Tag Archives: men

Check Please!

first dateLadies and gentleman, best viagra diagnosis I have an age old question to ask: Who should pay on the first date?  

Personally, buy viagra rx I am a bit old school in the romance department.  I think the guy should pay for the initial few dates and then we can alternate if the relationship becomes more exclusive.  A little chivalry and romance goes a long way ;)

I would love to hear your thoughts. :)

Guys, You better pay on the first date

A True Friend is Hard to Find

friendship1We spend a lot of time discussing the ins and outs of romantic relationships, discount viagra site but what happens when a friendship ends?  Does it have the same affect?  My answer is YES, health especially if this is someone you considered a close friend.

Last night, a very close friend of mine decided to end our friendship for reasons that completely baffle me.  The reasons he gave were honestly quite stupid in my book; he chose to highlight only 2 points in our timeline as reasons to end our relationship, completely neglecting the years of communication and support we’ve given each other.  I know he’s going through some personal issues right now that affected his rash decision, but nonetheless, the breakup is still painful.  Right now he feels scared and alone; he’s forgetting that people do care about him.  I am quite saddened by this and had myself a good little cry, but I do not blame him.  I will give him the space he wants.  In the end I told him I’ll miss him and that I’ll be here if and when he wants to return.

friendship3All relationships require two people to start and continue.  All relationships require communication and support; they are not measured by convenience.  All relationships should be non-judgmental and empowering.  All relationships should offer compassion and insight.  True friendships should espouse all these characteristics as well.

Losing a true friend is just as hard as losing a lover – true friends carve a place in your heart that’s irreplaceable.  They are an extension of your family that helps form your inner circle to provide emotional support and stability.  Friendships can also be toxic just like romantic relationships, so still keep your eyes and ears open, but for the most part, true friends are hard to find.  When you do find a lasting friendship, put the time and dedication in.  The best thing you can offer is unconditional support, courage, love, and advice.  Treat your friends as you want to be treated.

To my friend that I lost:  When you’re ready, I’m here. :)

I would love to know your thoughts. Happy reading :)

 

Use Your Words, Not Your Fists

domestic violence 5 October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, viagra buy viagra sale and with recent reports in the news about such cases, cialis generic this topic weighs heavily on my heart.  I finally found the words to express my thoughts.  In America, we inherently have a “victim blaming” mentality when it comes to accusations about domestic violence.  We don’t shout at them and say they did anything wrong, but we “blame” them for staying.  We look at them as weak for “not standing up for themselves” or taking the initiative to start a new life.  Men, women, and children are all potential victims to this fate and are entitled to the support and love they heavily need.  I’ll admit – I was part of that “blaming” culture because I never wanted to see any man, woman, or child in this position, but after my own incident, I realized why it’s hard to leave.

Let me tell you a story…

About 4.5 years ago I began dating a fellow classmate who seemed to fit my “type” (anyone who knows me, knows that I like my ‘cool nerds’).  He was highly intelligent, witty, charismatic, made me laugh immensely, romantic, came from a good family and appeared to be an overall “good guy”.  The first 3 months of our relationship was a typical honeymoon phase, but afterwards, he seemed different.  It started out small, like constantly harboring on the little things about me, making everything seem like it was my fault, and being downright verbally abusive at times.  I know at this point anyone would say to me, “Danielle, you should’ve left right then”, and you’re probably right, I should’ve but when you constantly hear such negativity and ridiculousness, unfortunately you start believing it – no matter how strong you are.  domestic violence 4This is how the abuse cycle starts…and then it gets bigger.  I remember the first time he got physical with me: we were coming back to my apartment after class and I said something loudly that he apparently didn’t like.  When we got into the elevator, he shoved me so hard that my back slammed into the bar and then repeatedly did it in the apartment. My fight-flight instincts kicked in to defend myself and I shoved him back. I was in complete, utter shock that a man would ever lay his hands on me.  A few weeks later he came home drunk from a party and because I didn’t want to have drunken sex he pulled a knife on me – luckily I grabbed it from him.  The last time he placed his hands on me was after an argument.  He punched my chest with the heel of his hand over both breasts – I took pictures that night to keep as evidence. What did I do to deserve such treatment?

I should have left, you’re right, but I was afraid.  I was afraid he would enact on his promises to hurt me.  I was far away from my family and didn’t know what to do.  I felt alone – but I wasn’t.  I’m very fortunate to have a perceptive mother who knows that when I go abnormally silent, something is wrong, and something was indeed very wrong.  I may not say it enough, but I am thankful for the family that I have.  Without their undying support at that time, I would not be where I am now :)   My mother flew to where I was to help me and after I got home, I slowly started to heal.  I blamed myself for awhile, thinking that I was smarter than that for being in that sort of relationship and not leaving.  I actively sought a domestic violence counselor and learned about how this pattern manifests. It’s all about control and ego; the feeling that they can mentally, emotionally, and physically dominate someone. I realized it wasn’t me, it was him. I was stronger than I thought.

domestic abuse1My story is minute compared to those who have endured domestic violence their whole lives, but I would like to say to them: You are stronger than you realize. You may feel helpless or think it’s “love”, but you’re worth a million times more than what you’re receiving.

Sometimes my friends ask me how we should stop domestic violence.  I don’t believe there is a clear answer to that question because there’s many factors to it, but here are some of my ideas:

Education – Education is power.  Part of the reason we blame victims is because we do not understand the psychology of abuse and nor do we believe that it’s entirely real.  It is very real.  It causes immense emotional, psychological, and physical damage to anyone it touches.

Cultural attitude – First, statistics show that minorities have a higher percentage of domestic violence.  There seems to be an ambivalence to it because “that’s just how we do things”, which isn’t necessarily correct.  Secondly, we assume the victim is usually a child or woman, but men are also victimized. They deserve the same support as any victim of domestic violence.

Support and compassion – We all have an inner circle that we rely on for emotional support. It’s extremely, extremely important for those that are abused to have a security network. Unfortunately being in a violent relationship is isolating; the abuser wants you to feel alone and places you in that position.  Family and friends: show them you’re there to give endless support, love, and advice. I understand if you may get frustrated with them for not leaving, but eventually they will, they will.  Never give up on them.

domestic violence 3Communication – This goes out to those currently facing domestic violence. I am naturally a private person myself, especially when it comes to my relationships. I like trying to resolve the issue myself before asking for advice, but sometimes this isn’t always the correct method. I know this is easier said than done, but try communicating with loved ones about what you’re experiencing. They won’t know unless you tell them.

The cycle of abuse often starts slow and unassuming, but it quickly progresses. It stops with you, with us. Let’s start today so no man, woman, or child has to face this alone.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Happy reading :)

My Hearts Other Half

soulmate3It all started with a generic introduction: “Hi there. I’m (insert name)”.  Something so simple and unannounced, viagra sale and yet you’re drawn to respond.  Why?  Hesitancy and skepticism take over for an instant, hospital but as the conversation continues, you share the same thoughts, values, and life perspective.  Is this person for real?  How did we share so much in such little time?  An unspoken attraction pulls you closer towards each other as the communication is endless and time seems to stand still.  It’s like you’re 2 pieces cut from the same cloth – you’ve met you’re soulmate.

To many of us, myself included, finding our soulmate is the pinnacle of romantic relationships.  We want to experience that “instant connection”, the feeling that we’ve known someone for years when we’ve only just briefly met.  Unfortunately, some of us may never experience that type of partnership because our life path has taken us in a different direction or we chose to settle down with life partners prior to finding our soulmate.  There is no correct path for our relationships to take; fore every encounter we make and situation we journey into has a lesson we must learn.

soulmate4I’ve been fortunate in my love life to have found my soulmate, and all I can say is that it’s truly amazing and beautiful to be a part of that duo.  There’s an intense, indescribale energy that surrounds the two of you.  No words can accurately describe this feeling, but I equate it to literally being “blown away” or “speechless” when near your partner.  That instant connection felt between you runs deep mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  Your backgrounds, races, or religions may be different but there’s a shared perspective on life, love, and the world.  In my own experience, the aspect I found most wonderful was the sense of complete acceptance by my partner.  He knew my flaws, my ugly moments, my insecurities, and he still looked at me and said “you’re gorgeous in every way”.  I felt secure knowing that I could completely be Danielle and know that he would forever support my endeavors, as I will with him.  We’re each other’s precious gifts to be treasured always.

soulmates 1What the universe has in store for us, no one completely knows, but I do know one thing: the universe never ceases to amaze me.  It brings people into our lives when we least expect it; sometimes to experience pain and other times to witness the beauty of love.  I believe that we should never take any encounter lightly, we all have something to learn from those experiences.  To love and to be loved are just some of the precious gifts that we must hold dear.  So, here’s to finding our destiny, our soul mates – once you find them, never let them go.  May we all find and truly experience the power of love.

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Happy reading <3

 

 

The Silence is Deafening

Rumi-On-SilenceHello again my dear readers! My medical board exams are finally over, cialis generic generic so La Vida Dolce is back in action! :) Let’s celebrate by talking about my biggest pet peeve in relationships: the silent treatment.  I’m sure we’ve all experienced the following scenario with our partners: 1) an argument starts, best viagra decease 2) the issue goes unresolved, sickness and 3) you or your partner responds with a cold shoulder for days.  It’s understandable if this may happen occasionally, but what happens if this continuously repeats during every argument?

Before we delve into the peculiarities of the silent treatment, I would like to differentiate between the “cooling off period” and the “silent treatment”.

Cooling off period: This is the minutes-hours immediately following an argument.  You and your partner just had an emotionally charged tete-a-tete and need time to regroup/recharge mentally and emotionally.  I consider this a normal evolution of an argument because it allows the issue to be resolved after both parties are calmer.

Silent treatment: This is the hours-days-weeks following an argument.  There’s no basic communication between you and your partner.  Its the type of tension that can be cut with a butter knife.  Issues are clearly unresolved and resentment brews.  This is an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

SilentTreatment1-tnThe silent treatment and emotionally ostracizing your partner is destructive to any personal relationship.  It’s a passive-aggressive way to control the emotions and dealings of the relationship.  In fact, many psychologists and therapists would consider this behavior as emotionally abusive, and I whole-heartedly agree with  that classification.  Couples who engage in this sort of conflict management demonstrate decreased relationship satisfaction, lower sexual intimacy, and poor communication.  Additionally, the victim repeatedly feels abandoned, ignored, and unworthy – who should feel like that in their relationship?  Gradually resentment brews between partners – they attribute blame to each other rather than dealing directly with the issues at hand.  Nothing good comes out of the silent treatment; I personally feel it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and overall, not productive to any relationship.

I decided to write about this topic because it reminds me of my most recent relationship.  Whenever we had an argument, or at random times, he would go completely silent.  The silence was accompanied by no eye contact, personal acknowledgement when we’re in each others presence, and complete withdrawal of verbal and physical affection.  I was left emotionally depleted, thinking “what did i do wrong? why do i deserve such treatment?” I realized that it wasn’t me with the problem; it was his way of controlling our relationship.  It created an emotional struggle between us, and eventually, we parted ways.

silent3Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we deal with it is extremely important.  I try to subscribe to the saying, “do what you say, say what you mean” in my relationships.  Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but be open with your partner when you need time to cool off after an argument; it’ll save your relationship from unnecessary struggles.  Here are some tips below to start breaking the silent treatment cycle:

 

1) Mutually agree to “cool off” when the cycle begins

2) Avoid character assassination

3) Sincerely apologize when the time arises

4) Refrain from ping-ponging the silent treatment between each other

5) Do not appear upset nor coax your partner into conversing with you

These suggestions will take time to initiate and you may falter momentarily, but all is not lost. :) Everyone is entitled to respect, love, and happiness in their relationship.  Try to rise above the silent treatment and be responsible for your own happiness.  (**Note: If you feel your partner becomes verbally and/or physically abuse, please seek advice from a professional**)

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Happy reading :)

 

 

#WomenAgainstFeminsim…What?!

womenagainstfeminismI would like to think of myself as “pro-woman”.  I believe that we women bring a unique perspective to this world that should be respected, generic viagra online cultivated, cialis usa and listened to.  Some would say that I’m being a “feminist”, and well, yes I am :) I’ve been reading lately about the “#WomenAgainstFeminism” movement and the only thing that comes to my mind is how the word “feminism” is heavily being distorted.

The feminist movement didn’t just begin in the 1960s-70s with Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan, it began centuries before.  Starting as far back with Cleopatra, Queen Victoria/ Elizabeth I, the Bronte sisters, Margaret Sanger, Amelia Earhart, Rosalind Franklin, Rosa Parks, and countless others, have shown how women greatly contribute to this world.  The Feminist Movement in America only cemented “women’s issues” into a political and economic platform, and over the years, their demands were accomplished to varying degrees.  As of now, the newer generation of women are equating “feminism” as a negative, which is not what our predecessors had planned.

When I hear the word “feminism”, this is what I think:

Feminism is not:

– “man bashing” (we may get frustrated with them at times, but we do need them ladies)

– “women bashing”

– advocating women as superior to men

– blaming insecurities on “the system”

– denying women a voice/respect

– condemning chivlary from men

equality_yinyang-Jozsef-Szasz-Fabian-drmstime

Feminism is:

– supporting each other

– demonstrating that women, yes have beautiful bodies, but also wonderful minds and souls

– encouraging our young girls to go into math and science professions

– not criticizing a woman’s career choice

– acknowledging our own limitations is not necessarily a bad thing

– showing respect for ourselves and our fellow women (we are our own worst critic ladies)

Just like everything in this world, the word “feminism” is constantly evolving.  What it meant years ago, may not hold the same connotation now.  We are fighting different battles than our predecessors, but their victories should not be held in vain.  We as women should not be battling each other for a single “true” definition, but coming together in solidarity to make the movement stronger and all-encompassing.  I am fortunate to live in America, where most of my rights as a woman/individual are covered, but many women and girls still do not have that basic respect and stability.  They are struggling, as we did, to accomplish their goals – let’s help them to have a fighting chance.

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Happy reading :)

 

Too Toxic to Handle

unhealthy relationshipRelationships are a fickle beast.  Sometimes they’re uplifting and make us feel like we’re on cloud 9, generic viagra cialis and other times, they’re draining and make us want to eat a pint of ice cream. I want to discuss the notion of “toxic/unhealthy relationships”.  This sort of relationship can be applied to all realms – family, friends, and romantic relations – but I want to specifically address romantic relationships.  Unfortunately, many of us are unaware that we’re engaging in these interactions, because after continual exposure, our ability to decipher what’s acceptable or not is greatly impaired.

Now, what characterizes a “toxic/unhealthy relationship”:

1) Non-Communication – Engaging in conversation with your partner is like getting ready for war.  You suppress your opinion out of fear for their reaction/response, or when you do speak up, there’s belittlement and blame and unresolved differences.

2) Disrespect –  This can be manifested in various ways.  Some examples are: completely not acknowledging you for days after an argument, attacking your qualities as an individual, or continually placing one-sided blame.  When couples engage in this sort of “tit-for-that”, mutual respect quickly diminishes.

3) Lack of boundaries – It’s wonderful being a unit with your partner, but sometimes, a little bit of “me” time goes a long way.  I’ve always believed that relationships require a healthy balance of individualism + partnership.  The toxicity arises when your partner questions why you may want some alone time, spend time with your friends without them, or you pre-empt their disapproval and stay behind.

4) Fail to compromise – Compromise is essential to any lasting relationship.  It shows our partner that we respect and listen to them; however, it cannot be one-sided.  In unhealthy relationships, one partner always feels the need/is expected to concede while the other refuses to adapt.
good-bye-heartI understand it’s difficult to realize you’re in an unhealthy relationship; no one wants to feel they’re relationship isn’t supportive and loving.  I say this, not to be cliche, but out of experience.  I’ve been in a toxic/unhealthy relationship and acknowledging it was the best step I could’ve taken.

If you’re currently facing this, my sincere advice would be to outline the pro/cons of the relationship – are your emotional needs met/do you get what you put in? Then when you’re ready, you can either do the following:

Stay and work on the relationship – Continuing the relationship is admirable.  You don’t want to go down without a fight, right?  I get that – I like to resolve the issues too before making a major relationship change.  If that’s your chosen path, use your voice, set boundaries, have a strong sense of who you are, and take care of yourself. Realize that your partner may not change in this process.  If you feel there’s no progress, then move to Plan B – it’s time to say good-bye.  

End the relationship – Breaking up is hard to do.  In the short-term there’s pain and sorrow; you’ve given your heart and soul to that person for awhile, but you will be OK.  You’ve taken a huge step towards your emotional survival.  Have faith in yourself.  Use the lessons learned from that experience when searching for your next partner.

We may come out with some battle scars, but there will be someone waiting for us to show the true essence of a relationship.  Always believe in life and love.  May we all find sincere love, happiness, and support with a special someone <3

Happy reading :)